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# www.rossdouglas.co.uk # I'm Scottish. # I have two legs. # I cannot hear sounds that dogs can. # I once farted at a funeral and blamed the corpse. # I eat nothing but sunflower seeds and Jaffa Cakes. # I talk shit a lot. # I like to laugh and to make others laugh. # I have never fed anyone into a treeshredder. # Bill Hicks is my favorite comedian. # I have four tattoos. # I take drugs. # I drink. # I smoke. # I am not a bad man. # I once beat a halibut to death. # I used to be a fishmonger. # I have never attempted to eat my own weight in pasta. # I can juggle two balls in one hand. # My favorite food is unavailable at this time. # I think Hitler may have been half Welsh. # My dad once ate roadkill. # Two wrongs do not make a right... Three lefts do. # The only sport I love is Motorcycle racing. # I love women with big tits. # Kari Byron makes me go all gooey. # I despair for humanity. # My favorite place in the world is my bed. # I would love to live in Mozambique. # I live by my legend. # My legend isn't much but it's all I have. # My friends would say I'm funny. # I respect people if they deserve my respect. # I once got fired for punching my boss. # I once got fired for blogging. # I once got fired by my own brother. # I would like to feed the spice girls into a tree shredder. # At the time of writing this I had an itchy bumhole. # At the time of writing this I had scratched my itchy bumhole. # I may or may not have sniffed my finger after scratching my bumhole. You decide... # I love LSD. # The funniest word in my opinion is hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. (A fear of long words.) # I would love to be able to ride a motorcycle like Mick Doohan. # I can do a great impersonation of Mrs Doubtfire. # To my knowledge "Imshambrotini" is not a word. # I know that inserting a hamster into a blender is wrong. # Sometimes I listen to the same song for hours on end. # I know that asking a stranger to shave your crotch is not polite. # My favorite drink is Rum and Coke.
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